Refocusing on Yourself and Managing Back-to-School Transitions
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
Normally this time of year whenever the seasons begin to change, particularly summer into fall, I feel an overwhelming urge to reflect and create change in my own life. The season for apple picking, comfort foods, cooler weather, and the return to school. However, this fall I cannot help but feel a sense of despair as many of these elements will also be changed.
This past week I received an email from my children’s Head of School, sharing a forecast of what my foreseeable future will look like. The message in theory welcomed me to my new full-time job as a homeschool parent. Congratulations all full-time parents/caregivers, you have been asked to do the unimaginable!
For months, I’ve been muttering about this- in group texts, in mom’s groups, in masked encounters when I bump into a parent friend on the street. We all ask one another, what their plan is like someone has some secret algorithm. There is a general consensus we will have to sacrifice something and that we will be too bone-tired to make a meaningful impact.
**The magical answer might be that something has to give—and it might look like giving back to ourselves. It’s essential to create a commitment to self-care and refocusing on our own needs.
Here are tips for avoiding burnout and committing to our own needs.
Make yourself a top priority
When we fill our time with responsibilities of life and consistently prioritize the needs of others over our own, we in essence empty our own cup. If we find compassion for our own wants and needs, we are saying “yes, I actually do have desires and they matter”. The heavy-lift of parenting while also working full time remains the same, but our attitude shifts, largely based on our attitude towards ourselves. If we are kind to ourselves and honor our own needs, we are happier to show up fully for others. Otherwise, we may be going through the motions, but not engaging in ways in which everyone benefits- our family feels nurtured, our jobs feel rewarding, our friends feel cared for, and our soul feels fed.
Healthy habits to consider
Now is the time to show your family healthy habits and go get that latte we’ve been kidding ourselves that we don’t really need.
Schedule yourself in: Remember self-care should be tailored to you, and activities you actually like. If you like dancing, dance more. If you like cooking, cook more. Just make sure you schedule it because the truth is if we don’t make time, we probably won’t find the time.
Let go of the “do, do, do” mentality: Parents, it’s ok to not go above and beyond for your kids on all the time. Literally, many of us are chauffeurs, coaches, and clean-up crews. Perhaps it’s time to let go of having to do all the extracurriculars and focus on maintaining happiness and functionality within the home.
Create rituals for what matters most
What would it be like if you turned what matters most in life into a ritual? The nice thing is that if it’s in your life, it is important, and you’ve already included it in your limited time. Rituals don’t require you to buy more or eat more or be anything more, rather only a consciousness, a certain slowness, and ability to enjoy the present.
Rituals to consider
Any act that you do each day, that’s important to you can be considered something to turn into a ritual.
Start off your day: Try starting your day with intention, gratitude, reflection. Prioritize at least 5 minutes daily of meditation or moments of quiet- simply a ritual of full appreciation for the moment.
Getting ready: When you get yourself ready for the day, attempt the art of slowing down, appreciating your body, taking care of yourself, and loving yourself.
Eating: Light a candle during the most ordinary of dinners, helping to acknowledge that being together and feeling together is amazing and special.
Sleeping: Sleep is not a matter of being so tired you can’t check another thing on social media. Try taking time to reflect on the day, preparing for a time of rest, slowing down, and appreciating your life.
Choose adventure, always
This might be the slogan for Colorado or some state alike, however when we are lit up and excited, we have more energy and positivity to offer the people around us. Choosing adventure for some may look like “that epic Cross-Country bike-duuude”, however for many, it might look like finding awesome adventures within our own homes and communities. Perhaps your new thing is sourdough bread baking, or starting a new virtual hip-hop class, nevertheless the time a parent or caregiver “takes off’ is not self-centered. In fact, by tending to our own needs and choosing adventure, we alter the quality of how we relate to others. After all, isn’t the general consensus in life to be the best and fullest versions of ourself- happy and present.
Adventures to consider
Conditions are already perfect: The COVID-19 pandemic doesn’t have to halt all adventures. Several fun low-risk activities are still going on all around us, many communities are even offering free or low-cost classes, like the events found here at Del Ray Psych and Wellness. Allow yourself to enjoy the opportunity that comes with the unpredictability of this time.
Adventure can be found in small moments: Fun doesn’t need to be spectacular by any means. Fun can be found in 5- and 10-minute increments. Try being mindful and engaging in small moments that have a meaningful impact.
-Danielle Reynolds, Clinical Social Work/Therapist, LMSW, PMH-C, CCTP