Gifting & Receiving
‘Tis the Season of Gift Giving
It’s that time of year. We all have opportunities to embrace a myriad of emotional, physical, and interpersonal experiences at the end of each year. Some of us embrace these moments to connect with loved ones and celebrate festivities while others prepare for the increase in discomfort (or you may experience both excitement and slight panic at the idea of spreading yourself too thin... again). There are discussions about holiday travel, managing strong emotions with certain individuals, or figuring out budgets for gift lists... once the lists are made, of course.
Most people can probably relate to an increase in stress when considering gift-buying, whether it be deciding which gifts to purchase or the financial strains that the holidays can bring. On the other hand, we often receive more than we need or want, which makes the minimalist living goals a little more difficult to maintain.
While there are opportunities to embrace a different tradition that isn’t so commercialized, such as donating gift funds towards charity, there may also be some resistance to changing up old expectations and patterns. It’s worth having the discussion with loved ones over the holiday to explore alternate options for gifting and receiving. One idea that’s been on my mind more recently has been the phrase, “The best present comes from being present. ”
But before getting into the nitty gritty of my thought processes, this is by no means intended to minimize the impact of intentional and thoughtful expression of love through gift giving or to discount the joy and fulfillment experienced as a result of receiving such gifts... because #lovelanguages
‘Tis the Season to Reflect on Our Relationships
Most of us experience time constraints, endless to-do lists, and emotional or mental fatigue as a result of trying to keep up with personal or social expectations throughout the year. And it doesn’t seem that those pressures ease up unless we are willing to get uncomfortable and start setting some serious boundaries with ourselves and others.
As a result, the idea of being more present in relationships may seem daunting. On the flip side, not being more intentional in our relationships can lead to disconnection and potential resentment, hurt, or mistrust. Now, consider those gifts that you may stress over purchasing each year and explore whether you are experiencing enjoyment from dedicating thought, time, and energy into a meaningful gift that you look forward to gifting or if this ritual has become more of a formality. If you experience the later, this seems like a lot of unnecessary stress just to maintain expectations in relationships, doesn’t it?
If the idea of being more present with loved ones resonates with you, take a moment and explore the connection that you’re craving.
What are the qualities of the individual(s) that make you want to be more present with them? What are the ideal circumstances or activities that you’d like to share together?
Create a list of benefits that you feel this shift in traditional gifting would bring to you.
Now, explore the opportunities of sharing that list with your loved ones in order to move toward a more ideal present moment (see what I did there?).
Resistance to change isn’t the only barrier to overcome when considering a new experience of gifting. Sometimes, the idea of receiving someone else’s presence can be intimidating. For the reasons mentioned above (disconnection, resentment, hurt, or mistrust), initiating a ritual of connection may also elicit discomfort, such as increased anxiety due to fear of rejection, anger, or sadness.
If this is the case, you may want to explore the opportunities for discussing unfinished business, atonement, or begin the process of setting and maintaining necessary boundaries. This process looks different for each individual and opening up to these more difficult emotional experiences may require some additional support through engaging in an individual healing process or with caring (and unbiased) individual or support group, whatever that looks like for you.
‘Tis the Season To Explore Presence Over Presents
Choosing to be present and receive someone else’s presence (as long as it’s welcomed and emotionally safe) could add far greater value to both parties than any material gift. Deciding to be more intentional about the loved ones in your life is also not meant for the holidays alone. Relationships need nurturing more than once a year. When considering the investment into material gifts, pause and ask yourself if there are alternate ways to invest more deeply into your relationships and what the impact of doing so could be.
And if you’re interested in exploring how receiving gifts over physical presence (quality time) is reflected in your love language, hop on over to the website to take the quiz. You may want to play around with it and keep a certain relationship in mind (your love language may change depending on how well you feel nourished from one relationship or what you feel is lacking from other relationships).